Totally Radical Sportz!

Episode 3 – “The Mouse”

(Pico & Miguel are walking to the local Home Depot early Tuesday morning..)

Pico: Joo want some of my Jumex, Meeguel?

Miguel: No. I hate Jumex.

Pico: What? How do joo hate Jumex? Jumex is deleecious!

Miguel: No, it’s not. It’s bad for you. It’s just sugar.

Pico: Sugar ees good!

(Miguel shakes his head as a black SUV with tinted windows pulls up..)

Driver: Gentlemen. Get in.

Miguel: We’re legal.

Pico: (nodding)  Yeah, very legal!

Driver: There’s no such thing as “very legal”. Get in. We’ve got a job for you.

(An hour later, the SUV pulls up in front of a sprawling Beverly Hills mansion and Pico & Miguel are greeted by a man in a hat..)

Eisner: Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Come in! Come in!

(Pico & Miguel enter Michael Eisner’s parlor and awkwardly sit across from him..)

Pico: Neat hat.

Eisner: Yes, I know. I know.

Miguel: What’s that on your ankle?

Eisner: Oh, that’s nothing. What will you gentlemen have to drink?

Pico: I’ll have a beer.

Miguel: That looks like an electronic monitoring device. My cousin had one of those. Are you under house arrest?

Eisner: One beer coming up!  (shuffles into other room)

Miguel: I think this guy’s a white collar criminal, Pico.

Pico: He has a blue shirt.

Miguel: No it’s an expression, you doofus. He’s a very rich man who can afford to not go to prison.

Pico: That sounds nice.

Eisner: (shuffling back into the parlor)  One cerveza for the gentleman!

Pico: Gracias.

Eisner: Now I wanted to get your advice on some things, men.

Miguel: So what’d you do to get put under house arrest?

Eisner: The Hispanic market is currently the fastest growing in the world and Disney wants to be on the front lines when it comes to entertaining the Latinos.

Pico: You’re entertaining me right now!  (hiccups)

Miguel: Did you steal a car?

Eisner: What kind of stuff is entertaining to you Mexicans? Sombreros? Scantily-clad women? Tiny chihuahuas?

Pico: Yes, yes and yes.

Miguel: We’re Salvadorean. Did you embezzle?

Eisner: What about the word “chalupa”? I always found it hilarious.

Pico: Yes, heelarious. Can I have another cerveza?

Eisner: Si!  (runs to kitchen)

Miguel: Now I recognize that guy. It’s Michael Eisner. He used to run Disney, but he doesn’t anymore.

Pico: Why is he wearing the ears, then?

Miguel: I think he stole a bunch of money from them. That must be why he’ s under house arrest. He’s probably losing his mind in here. Probably still thinks he runs Disney.

Pico: At least he’s got beer.

Eisner: (trotting back into the parlor)  Una cerveza, por favor!

Pico: (cracks it open)  Gracias!

Eisner: Now, back to those ideas.

Miguel: Didn’t Disney fire you?

Pico: (raises hand)  I have an idea.

Eisner: (points to Pico)  Yes, Pico.

Pico: What if you deed, like, Spidermayne. But he had a gun. Those webs are gay.

Eisner: Yes, yes. Those webs are gay. I tell ya, that might work Pico.

Pico: Feefty-feefty?

Eisner: (shakes Pico’s hand)  Deal. I’ll take this directly to the Board of Directors tomorrow. We’re going to be very very rich, Pico!

Pico: Yayyy.

Miguel: So, do you need us to mow your lawn or can we go?

Eisner: I think I’ve got enough to get the ball rolling for now, gentlemen. I’ll be in touch.

Miguel: Yeah, I’m sure you will.

Pico: Thanks for the cervezas!

Eisner: (waving from the front door as the boys walk down the driveway)  Bye, Pico! I love you!

~~~

(Wednesday morning, Pico & Miguel are standing outside Home Depot, ready for another day of work..)

Pico: Have joo ever been to preeson, Meeguel?

Miguel: Just once.

Pico: What deed joo do?

Miguel: Shot a man just to watch him die.

Pico: I wish we could’ve met Goofy.